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by ceeba



Series: Post Break-Up Fic [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Background Sam/Jess - Freeform, Idiots in Love, M/M, Post-Break Up, Such cheese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 08:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6148279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceeba/pseuds/ceeba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From this prompt: “its my [insert family relation here]'s wedding and seeing all these happy couples is killing me and all i can think about is how this was almost us” AU (bonus: “i know that it’s two in the morning and i’m dressed really formally and a little (a lot) bit drunk but i couldn’t stop thinking about you after my grandma asked how you were doing also can i come in it’s freezing out here”). Post here http://thehalcyonclubwritingprompts.tumblr.com/post/132518177311/post-breakup-aus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

This is fucking _miserable_. Dean is here on one of the most important days of his life and he can’t even enjoy it.

Well, that’s not entirely true. He was fine this morning, woke up in a hotel room with his brother like the good old days, helped Sammy get dressed and ready to marry the love of his life. He was fine all through the ceremony, watching his baby brother cry through his vows and slide a ring onto Jess’ finger with shaking hands. He was even fine during the speeches, charming and joking his way through the most embarrassing best man’s speech in the history of weddings and absolutely _not_ crying when he got to the mushy bit, just like he didn’t cry when Sam pushed up from his chair and tackle-hugged him for long, long minutes, squeezing until neither of them could breathe properly. It was the best day it possibly could have been, beautiful and full of happiness and tears and laughter. Dean had rarely been happier than he was this morning and had certainly never been prouder.

Now, though. Now Dean is half a dozen whiskeys in on top of all the champagne he’d downed during the toasts to stop himself getting emotional again. Now he is just the wrong side of drunk, watching Sam and Jess bounce around the dance floor, smiling bigger than ever. Everybody else on the dance floor looks just as happy, most of them with their spouses or partners or just somebody they met at the wedding. Point is, damn near everyone in the room is coupled up, and Dean? Dean is on his fucking own.

Cas should be here, he thinks. He was Sam’s friend, too, and he should be here despite the fact that Dean did something stupid like break up with him.

And, god, was it stupid. Stupidest thing he’s ever done, and that says a lot. It’s just that Cas had wanted a lot of things that Dean didn’t think he was capable of giving and at the time it had seemed easier to let Cas go and find it all with somebody else, to have everything he wanted and deserved with somebody who deserved him, too. But now Dean is here, watching Sam and Jess look at each other in a way that he’s looked at Cas a thousand times and suddenly it doesn’t seem so impossible. Suddenly it’s all he wants.

_That should be us_ , he thinks, and the thought hurts like a physical blow. Cas wanted this with him and he walked away like a fucking idiot. He’s never gonna have that again, not like it was with Cas. He was it for Dean and Dean has no excuse for letting him go, not a single one.

“Dean, dear,” a voice to his left says. He looks up to see Jess’ grandma lowering herself into a chair beside him, looking concerned. He’s not surprised – he’s slumped in his chair probably looking like someone just killed his puppy; he would be concerned at the sight of him, too.

She’s great, Grandma June, always the life of the party. She had adored Cas, always made him dance with her whenever they met, always hogging his attention.

“Don’t feel like dancing tonight?” she asks.

“’M good,” he tells her, pulling himself to sit up straighter. The effort hurts. _Everything_ hurts.

“Where’s my favorite dance partner tonight? He is here, isn’t he? I haven’t seen him at all,” she asks, looking around like Cas might just pop up behind Dean’s shoulder with a loud _‘surprise!'_ and some jazz hands.

“Nah, he’s not here,” Dean tells her miserably.

Her eyes go wide and she reaches for his hand. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Dean,” she tells him, squeezing her fingers around his. “I liked that boy.”

“Me, too,” he huffs.

She eyes him for a moment before she takes his drink from his hand, sniffing at it before knocking it back herself. Dean almost manages a smile. “You want him back, kid?”

“Oh, no, I don’t wanna talk about this tonight, nuh uh.”

“Dean,” she says sternly. “If you want him back then you should go and get him back.”

Dean shifts in his seat, resting his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands. “It’s not like it’s that simple. It’s not like I can just – turn up at his house and beg him to take me back.”

June shrugs, winking at him. “Why the hell not?”

He huffs out a laugh. “Because I just – I mean – it’s inappropriate.”

Jess and Sam fly by then, laughing and spinning. June nods after them. “Is he your Sam?” she asks.

Dean wrinkles his nose, “Ew,” he says.

She rolls her eyes at him. “You know what I mean, Dean.”

“Yeah, I mean, of course he is. Doesn’t mean I’m his.”

“You’re an idiot,” she tells him happily. Dean gapes at her. “Go to him.”

And Dean is clearly drunker than he thought because he’s actually considering it. _What’s the worst that can happen?_ He thinks.

 

Once Dean comes around to the idea, nothing can stop him. He marches up to Sam who is talking to one of the cousins Dean never even knew they had and drags him away. He tells Sam that he has to go – he’s so sorry to skip out but he has to go, and Sam just grabs his shoulders and tells him to shut up.

“Dean, it’s fine. We’re winding down anyway. You’ve been – _thank you_ for today, Dean. Wouldn’t want anyone else up there with me. You’ve done your part, now go get him.”

Dean blinks at him – he hadn’t actually said why he had to go, had he? But Sam’s smirking at him and god damn it all because Sam has always known him, he hasn’t ever had to explain himself to his baby brother.

“Proud of you, kid,” he says, concentrating hard on not crying again.

“Thanks, Dean. Love you.”

Dean rolls his eyes at that, if only to try and block out the emotion. “Yeah, yeah. Love you too, bitch.”

“Jerk!” Sam calls after him and Dean grins as he all but jogs out of the room.

 

He feels so determined and stupidly like somebody in one of those chick flicks Cas secretly loves so much when he’s running through the streets towards Cas’ house, but it all drains out of him when he gets there. He stands in front of the door of what used to be their shared house and just stares – every intelligent thought or reason why Cas should take him back completely escaping him. Because why should he? Dean has given him no reason to trust him or to give him another chance. He threw what they had away and he deserves to be on his own, and –

And he stumbles, tipping sideways and crashing into the trashcan at the side of the house. It scrapes loudly against the concrete and Dean curses loudly, jumping away from it and rubbing his elbow where it had collided with the offending object. He’s in the middle of glaring at it and contemplating kicking it when the outdoor light flickers on and he hears the sound of the door being unlocked from inside.

Dean freezes, blinking at the door stupidly as it creaks open and then Cas is there, bleary-eyed and hair sticking up in every direction. He’s got on this old long-sleeved t shirt that Dean swears used to be his and some sweats he must’ve pulled on when he heard the noise because Cas never sleeps with pants on, not even when he’s sick, and –

“Dean?” Cas asks groggily. “What – what time is it?”

“Uhh,” Dean says, smooth as ever. “Like. Two? Maybe?”

“Are you – what are you doing here?”

Dean scratches at the back of his neck awkwardly. “Um. Hi?”

“Hello,” Cas says warily. “You came to attack my bin at two am so you could say hello?”

Dean can’t help it – his expression crumbles and he has to bite back a sob. _My bin_. _Cas’_ bin. This is just Cas’ house now.

“Dean,” Cas says softly. He sighs and gestures into the house. “Come on, it’s freezing out here. Were you just wondering around without a jacket in November?”

Dean rolls his eyes at that as he follows Cas into the house. It’s so warm and cosy in here and Dean _aches_ because it used to be his, too. It’s half empty, now, like Cas hadn’t bothered to fill it up after Dean moved all his shit out. It kind of looks like he hasn’t done much since Dean left – it’s messy and the surfaces are dusty and Dean wants to nag him because he always did have to be the one to clean up after both of them.

Cas leads them to the kitchen and then disappears so Dean sits down at the table, staring at it to stop his eyes wondering to see if anything else has changed. He only looks up when Cas comes back in carrying a blanket. He hands it to Dean before he goes over to the kettle and switches it on to boil. Dean stares at the blanket in his hands for a moment until he realises that, yeah, ok, he is fucking cold. He hadn’t even thought to grab his jacket when he left the hall and he sure as hell couldn’t drive in the state he’s in so, yeah, he has just been walking for nearly an hour in the freezing cold.

“Thanks, Cas,” he mumbles, not meeting Cas’ eye.

“What’re you all dressed up for?” Cas asks, stifling a yawn. Dean feels like a total ass for waking him up.

“It’s, uh – it’s November 23rd,” he says. It’s been months since they broke up but they used to talk about this day all the time and there’s no way Cas has forgotten it.

Cas’ eyes widen is recognition and he looks at Dean like he’s just been slapped. “I forgot,” he says, like he can’t quite believe it. “I didn’t – I didn’t even text Sam. I should’ve – I should’ve called, sent a card.”

“It’s ok. You can do it tomorrow,” Dean shrugs.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I have no excuse.”

“S’not your fault, man. You have no responsibility to remember these things anymore.”

“Still, I – this is a huge day for Sam, for _you_ , and I should’ve known.”

“You should’ve been there,” Dean tells him.

To his surprise, Cas just nods. “How was it?”

“Pretty special, Cas,” Dean tells him, smiling softly. “Jess was beautiful. Sam was a giant ball of happiness. I’d show ya pictures but I left my phone in my jacket.”

“Were you in a hurry?” Cas asks, eyebrows raised.

“I guess,” Dean says. He’s not sure how much he should say, now that he’s here. “Grandma June was asking about you.”

“Oh,” Cas says. “Oh, of course. I guess I never thought about all the people you would have to deal with asking questions.”

“Nah, it’s my own fault, Cas, don’t do that.”

“It’s not your fault, Dean,” Cas sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face. He turns away and starts pouring the boiled water into cups and bringing them over to the table. He puts one in front of Dean and sits down opposite him. “Tea,” he says.

Dean scrunches up his nose. The liquid inside is red and vaguely fruity looking. He sniffs at it, frowning.

“It’s good for you, Dean,” Cas chastises. He sighs again, propping his chin up on his palm and looking at Dean. “Why did you come here?”

Dean is way too drunk for this conversation, way too _sad_ , but he came all this way so what the hell. He buries his nose in his mug and refuses to meet Cas’ eye. “You should’ve been there today, should’ve been with me. I wanted you there.”

“Dean – ”

“And I want that with you, everything Sam and Jess have, everything they had today. I want it with you, I always did, I just didn’t know if I _could_. But tonight, watching them, I just – I wanted you there, Cas,” he says and it sounds like a plea. He sounds like he’s begging and his voice is shaky and weak and he can’t look at Cas, he _can’t_.

“Dean, I’m sorry. I should’ve come. You could have asked me. I would’ve been there, of course I would have,” he says, and Dean shakes his head. “I would, Dean. And as for – well, everything else. What changed? You didn’t want to marry me, you told me that enough times.”

“I did. I do. I just didn’t know it. I just never pictured myself with all that, you know? I didn’t think it was something I would ever have. And then suddenly you were there and you loved me and you wanted to marry me and I just – I thought I couldn’t do it.”

He looks at Cas, finally. He looks tired beyond just the fact that he was woken up in the middle of the night by his drunken ex-idiot. He looks like he hasn’t slept properly in months. But there’s something in his eyes now, some kind of spark. Dean tries not to think it looks like hope.

“Let me get this straight,” Cas says, rubbing at his sleepy eyes. “I wanted everything with you, and you wanted everything with me, and we broke up because we both thought we couldn’t give each other what we wanted?”

Dean snorts. “Yeah. Sounds about right. What a couple of dumb-asses.”

Cas cracks a smile at that. “Can’t argue that.”

“I’m sorry I showed up like this, Cas. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Better here than wondering the streets moping,” Cas shrugs, still smiling tentatively. “Besides, who else would force you to drink tea in the middle of the night?”

Dean can’t help his grin. “God, I miss you,” he says without thinking.

Cas sighs again. Dean is about to apologize again but then Cas says, so quietly, “I miss you, too.”

Braver now, Dean lets the shots he did at the wedding take over. “You should marry me.”

“Dean – ”

“I’m serious, Cas.”

“We’ve been broken up for five months,” Cas says carefully.

“I don’t mean _now_. I mean – I mean we should hang out, go on dates, build it all back up. And at the end of it all, you should marry me.”

Cas lets out a desperate half-sob, half-laugh and buries his face in his hands. “You’re crazy.”

“And you love me anyway,” Dean tries. Despite everything, despite what he thinks he deserves or how long they’ve been apart, he knows that much is true.

“Of course I do,” Cas says. “Always will.”

“Then lets do this, Cas. No fucking point being apart if we want the same things.”

Cas considers him. “You’re ridiculous,” he says, standing up and coming around to Dean’s side of the table. “You show up here in the middle of the night, drunk, after nearly half a year of no contact and you tell me we should get married? You’re insane,” he crouches down in front of Dean so their eyes are level. “And I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“That a yes?” Dean grins. “Yes, you fucking idiot,” Cas groans, and the following kiss feels like coming home.


End file.
